I Have This Neighbor…..


1 December 2006





I have this neighbor who always knows what is going on in the neighborhood. Perhaps every neighborhood has one of these, I don’t know, but I have decided that this guy has a WWII submarine periscope in his basement. Yep, gets himself a cup of joe each morning and heads down to his conning tower, pushes some well hidden button and down from the ceiling comes this periscope. Can see him there, in the room with the furnace, washer, dryer and all the other stuff he has collected and him snapping down those handles on the periscope and placing his eyes up to the rubber goggles and slowly scanning the neighborhood. Oh, yes, the fellow across the street is piling his leaves too high again and he has done nothing to remove that eyesore of a travel trailer he owns and parks in his driveway to block his view on purpose. Fellow down the street has his car trunk open and a battery charger set up on it. Better get down there and tell him how to do it. Yard next door has too many leaves down. Need to get out the tractor and get them up. Damn neighborhood going down hill fast.


And so around and around he spins his periscope, checking out the situation and making his plans. Sure it is the first thing he does each morning but also sure he does it several times a day to make sure he has not missed any convoys he can prey on with word or action torpedoes.


No idea where he got his periscope from and never see it sticking out of his roof but it has to be there. Just no way he could know all he does without one and his must be special cause he can somehow see into houses and people’s hearts and intentions. Knows all the neighbors hate him and does not have a clue why. Lady up the street threw her husband of 30 years out when she found out he was having an affair with his old high school sweetheart. 2 doors down, people there are just plain odd. Never speak and never care for it when he comes over to tell them the right way to plant such-and-such. Snow too deep in a neighbor’s driveway? Out he goes with is snow blower, no questions asked. Do they want it opened or have plans already? Does not matter, as he is the watch dog for the appearance of the street and can not have all that snow just laying there.


Now I have never personally seen his in-house periscope and I have been in his basement but I know it has to be there. Kind'a wish I had me one of those, just for fun. Wonder what he is up to again?




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