ďEmail From My Oldest Daughter (1)Ē


12 September 2005






Hey pop


feeling more like my self


read your mail


maybe you forget I 2 am made 2/3rds the future


different programmers build me


yet they were from the same school


maybe arrogantly I assume your programmed not to fit with my build


yet maybe


programmed from the future


you and your spawn are just that


maybe my computerate language is just that


maybe I'm an underground slang or futurist manipulation of your compute


maybe Jeff is Windows to your DOS


as much as you want to disown my personify


my confusion


we are alike


I'm your child


I too live each day believing I'm from the future




no comfort here


you once said 2 me you thought I was from 1950




I see too much


I'm a bugged program perhaps


but not some virus that I haven't been able to survive


I'm not trying to be an asshole to you


but pop


you're not the only neurotic in the family


I comfortably admit I steal you alien, future, robot existence


Youíre my father


I should find my self and comfort from my parents


in my genes and in my tribal legends


Don't want to speak for all your children


but I know most, know, live and have faith they are from some place else




I'm sorry


I know I made you mad


I was mad at you


seeing you with Dave


a bond as a father ...one father to other


You said to me at the beach "your a pretty intense mama"


A dad called me out on it....like I was bad






Iíve been pissed at you




I'm not a mama


I'm sorry I canít seem to find the upgrade to just call you


I'm sorry my crappy underground futurist program canít just call you up and cuss you out


or approach you as a 2005 model and politically express my discomfort


I'm not a mama


like your second spawn


tears form when those words are typed or said


maybe part future-unlike you I am female


sucks...trust me


Female ain't fun






Iíve been pissed at you and Dave and I'm sorry


still pissed at Dave


not at you


Now you can be pissed at me


I wouldn't mind


no, I would






our kin


our family


itís all we got


life sucks


life's uncomfortable


cuz I'm not from here


not from where you are from either


Parallel worlds


Parallel futures I'm telling you


why wouldn't you have kids feel uncomfortable?


Why wouldn't you have children from the future?


part alien or build from what you understand as comp4ter




Iím sorry I freaked out on you


Iím sorry I am so raw sometimes


but thank you


you were all I had, I felt at the time


I was scared and angry and I told you


sucks for you I'm sure


alien, computer, future dad


Youíre my dad


You're my wires, you are my data


I guess when people cry and say, "I want my Mommy"


your kids sometimes canít log off or shut down with out a screen popping up that shortcuts them to e-mail their dad


know itís too much sometimes


makes you part human


but thanks


We are your kids


we look to you for comfort, hope




no real answers...lived enough 2 know there arenít any answers






Iím done for now


Man I hope you understand I know Iíve taken liberties when it comes to you


Iíve never lived that way knowing till hindsight


Iím sorry


Youíre my dad


I never meant to hurt you while I blindly cried in fear


Thanks for always answering


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