“Email From My Oldest Daughter (1)”
12 September 2005
Hey
pop
feeling
more like my self
read
your mail
maybe
you forget I 2 am made 2/3rds the future
different
programmers build me
yet
they were from the same school
maybe
arrogantly I assume your programmed not to fit with my build
yet
maybe
programmed
from the future
you
and your spawn are just that
maybe
my computerate language is just that
maybe
I'm an underground slang or futurist manipulation of your compute
maybe
Jeff is Windows to your DOS
as
much as you want to disown my personify
my
confusion
we
are alike
I'm
your child
I
too live each day believing I'm from the future
Scary
no
comfort here
you
once said 2 me you thought I was from 1950
nope
I
see too much
I'm
a bugged program perhaps
but
not some virus that I haven't been able to survive
I'm
not trying to be an asshole to you
but
pop
you're
not the only neurotic in the family
I
comfortably admit I steal you alien, future, robot existence
You’re
my father
I
should find my self and comfort from my parents
in
my genes and in my tribal legends
Don't
want to speak for all your children
but
I know most, know, live and have faith they are from some place else
Dad
I'm
sorry
I know
I made you mad
I
was mad at you
seeing
you with Dave
a
bond as a father ...one father to other
You
said to me at the beach "your a pretty intense mama"
A
dad called me out on it....like I was bad
anyways
sorry
I’ve
been pissed at you
Pop
I'm
not a mama
I'm
sorry I can’t seem to find the upgrade to just call you
I'm
sorry my crappy underground futurist program can’t just call you up and cuss
you out
or
approach you as a 2005 model and politically express my discomfort
I'm
not a mama
like
your second spawn
tears
form when those words are typed or said
maybe
part future-unlike you I am female
sucks...trust
me
Female
ain't fun
YUP
THIS IS ANOTHER CRAPPY EMAIL FROM YOUR FIRST
Sorry
I’ve
been pissed at you and Dave and I'm sorry
still
pissed at Dave
not
at you
Now
you can be pissed at me
I
wouldn't mind
no,
I would
But
Pop
our
kin
our
family
it’s
all we got
life
sucks
life's
uncomfortable
cuz
I'm not from here
not
from where you are from either
Parallel
worlds
Parallel
futures I'm telling you
why
wouldn't you have kids feel uncomfortable?
Why
wouldn't you have children from the future?
part
alien or build from what you understand as comp4ter
pop
I’m
sorry I freaked out on you
I’m
sorry I am so raw sometimes
but
thank you
you
were all I had, I felt at the time
I
was scared and angry and I told you
sucks
for you I'm sure
alien,
computer, future dad
You’re
my dad
You're
my wires, you are my data
I
guess when people cry and say, "I want my Mommy"
your
kids sometimes can’t log off or shut down with out a screen popping up that
shortcuts them to e-mail their dad
know
it’s too much sometimes
makes
you part human
but
thanks
We
are your kids
we
look to you for comfort, hope
hope
no
real answers...lived enough 2 know there aren’t any answers
Thanks
Well
I’m
done for now
Man
I hope you understand I know I’ve taken liberties when it comes to you
I’ve
never lived that way knowing till hindsight
I’m
sorry
You’re
my dad
I
never meant to hurt you while I blindly cried in fear
Thanks for always answering