1 February 2010
Computers work by following the directions given to it by what is known as software. Some software is defined as applications like Microsoft Word or Internet Explorer and other pieces are system processes, like taking care of any printing operation. At any one time, a computer is following the instructions of one or more applications and many system processes.
Perhaps not a good model to use, but it seems my mind, logical and emotional, has a similar structure. The "visible" to me is the thoughts I have about planning or solving a problem or having a discussion with another person. But underneath the "visible" I am aware of other sorts of thoughts that semi-form in the background soup of my mind. Have always been aware of this foreground, background, phenomena and use it all the time. For example, if I am working on a problem of some kind but can not find a decent solution immediately, I put it somehow in background processing and let it bubble in the "back of my mind", for a while. Sometimes, after a while, a solution will bubble out or "pop into my head."
Ok, all that said, I want to openly admit that from time to time, an evil thought will "pop into my head".
Definition of evil? Like said about pornography, "know it when you see it."
Definition of evil? A thought that feels bad. A thought that is revolting. A thought that is disgusting. Have even had evil thoughts that smelled bad.
I do not like evil thoughts and disgusted that I even have them at all.
Why do I have them?
Has every human that ever lived had at least one evil thought?
I like that my background mind is a place I can park problems and let it process them "out of sight", but what am I putting into my background mind that will sometimes result in an evil thought raising its ugly head?
Not saying that I have evil thoughts all the time and do not originate evil thoughts in my foreground mind.
The devil and all that. Are evil thoughts broadcast somehow over an ether-net of some kind linking all of us to God and the devil? If I admit that I do hear God speaking to me from time to time then perhaps it is fair to say that the devil will also talk with me once in a blue moon. But writing that last sentence, feels like a sloth off of personal guilt, responsibility.
I have evil thoughts. I have evil thoughts. Like in elementary school, write one hundred times on chalk board and at each write, I repent.