ďEmail From My Oldest Daughter (1)Ē

 

12 September 2005

 

 

 

 

 

Hey pop

 

feeling more like my self

 

read your mail

 

maybe you forget I 2 am made 2/3rds the future

 

different programmers build me

 

yet they were from the same school

 

maybe arrogantly I assume your programmed not to fit with my build

 

yet maybe

 

programmed from the future

 

you and your spawn are just that

 

maybe my computerate language is just that

 

maybe I'm an underground slang or futurist manipulation of your compute

 

maybe Jeff is Windows to your DOS

 

as much as you want to disown my personify

 

my confusion

 

we are alike

 

I'm your child

 

I too live each day believing I'm from the future

 

Scary

 

no comfort here

 

you once said 2 me you thought I was from 1950

 

nope

 

I see too much

 

I'm a bugged program perhaps

 

but not some virus that I haven't been able to survive

 

I'm not trying to be an asshole to you

 

but pop

 

you're not the only neurotic in the family

 

I comfortably admit I steal you alien, future, robot existence

 

Youíre my father

 

I should find my self and comfort from my parents

 

in my genes and in my tribal legends

 

Don't want to speak for all your children

 

but I know most, know, live and have faith they are from some place else

 

Dad

 

I'm sorry

 

I know I made you mad

 

I was mad at you

 

seeing you with Dave

 

a bond as a father ...one father to other

 

You said to me at the beach "your a pretty intense mama"

 

A dad called me out on it....like I was bad

 

anyways

 

sorry

 

Iíve been pissed at you

 

Pop

 

I'm not a mama

 

I'm sorry I canít seem to find the upgrade to just call you

 

I'm sorry my crappy underground futurist program canít just call you up and cuss you out

 

or approach you as a 2005 model and politically express my discomfort

 

I'm not a mama

 

like your second spawn

 

tears form when those words are typed or said

 

maybe part future-unlike you I am female

 

sucks...trust me

 

Female ain't fun

 

YUP THIS IS ANOTHER CRAPPY EMAIL FROM YOUR FIRST

 

Sorry

 

Iíve been pissed at you and Dave and I'm sorry

 

still pissed at Dave

 

not at you

 

Now you can be pissed at me

 

I wouldn't mind

 

no, I would

 

But

 

Pop

 

our kin

 

our family

 

itís all we got

 

life sucks

 

life's uncomfortable

 

cuz I'm not from here

 

not from where you are from either

 

Parallel worlds

 

Parallel futures I'm telling you

 

why wouldn't you have kids feel uncomfortable?

 

Why wouldn't you have children from the future?

 

part alien or build from what you understand as comp4ter

 

pop

 

Iím sorry I freaked out on you

 

Iím sorry I am so raw sometimes

 

but thank you

 

you were all I had, I felt at the time

 

I was scared and angry and I told you

 

sucks for you I'm sure

 

alien, computer, future dad

 

Youíre my dad

 

You're my wires, you are my data

 

I guess when people cry and say, "I want my Mommy"

 

your kids sometimes canít log off or shut down with out a screen popping up that shortcuts them to e-mail their dad

 

know itís too much sometimes

 

makes you part human

 

but thanks

 

We are your kids

 

we look to you for comfort, hope

 

hope

 

no real answers...lived enough 2 know there arenít any answers

 

Thanks

 

Well

 

Iím done for now

 

Man I hope you understand I know Iíve taken liberties when it comes to you

 

Iíve never lived that way knowing till hindsight

 

Iím sorry

 

Youíre my dad

 

I never meant to hurt you while I blindly cried in fear

 

Thanks for always answering

 

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